I got out of bed early this morning - like 7:30, which is good for me on a Saturday morning. I went down to Mission Bay Park for a jog. I’m really starting to think that Mary may have been right to say that I could benefit from living away from Ryan and my mom. Obviously, living away from a bad influence like Ryan is self-evidently beneficial. However, I think my mom is just as much of a bad influence. In her world, everything is the way it is and there’s no use trying to change anything. She’s very helpless in a way that I find detestable and I DO NOT want to be like that myself. I started talking to Mary again just as this “alone time” started and I feel like it’s given me a whole new outlook. I want to keep that going so I really need to get on the ball and get an apartment, goddamnit!

Speaking of Ryan, I’m already dreading seeing him today. Yesterday, when I was up there to walk my mom, he came out and asked if I would want to go to a bar with him and Sean to watch the end of the Padre game tonight after the Notre Dame game. He also asked if I wanted to watch El Classico with him on Sunday morning then go see Tashi play in Mira Mesa. I said that sounded fun. Now, with the benefit of actually thinking about it for two seconds, I’m not doing any of that. I know those guys and they’re going to try to draw me into some long night going into a long morning. Ugh. That sounds like a terrible weekend.

So I’ve got my excuses. I’ve gotta walk my dogs after the ND game and I told Isabel I’d run with her Sunday morning. The first one’s true. The second one isn’t. I just wanna come back here and have a relaxing evening and pretend I’m already away from there.