I signed my lease today. It was pretty uneventful, did it online, I’m happy to have it over with. Now I have to turn that place into a home. That’s gonna take some time and money. I have to set up gas & electric and internet. After that, I need a bed. I was told I could take the mattress I’m sleeping on now but I don’t want to show up to my new apartment with a stained up old hobo mattress that looks like I grabbed it out of the alley. Ugh. I assume that’s going to be the most expensive thing I have to buy. I’m hoping that I can find a decent couch at Good Will or somewhere like that. I can’t just go buying a whole new living room set - even a small one - but it’s important to me that my place be a cozy, welcoming place.

My landlord seems nice. I think she’s pretty stoked to get me. The place isn’t exactly the Taj Mahal. Ugh, I hope I made a good decision on this place.

Once I move in, I really want to start focusing on myself. I’ll keep coming up here to walk my mom but other than that, I’m probably going to stay away. I overheard Ryan making the argument to my mom that she should be happy him and Sean watch sports here because it’s better than going somewhere else and getting popped on the road coming home. He actually said that. He’s a man in his forties whose life was a disaster to begin with and now is on the verge of homelessness.

But then I remember that I’m not much better. God I want the chance to make it all right. I want to put my life back together and become someone I can be proud of again. I just hope I get that chance.