I got up this morning and drove up to walk my mom. It was rainy this morning. I hate driving in the rain. Anyway, when I got there, she told me that she’d had a bad night and that she didn’t feel like she could walk today. To be fair, she had texted me not to come but I must have already been on my way. Anyway, we chatted for a while and then I drove back to Keith and Lori’s. Along the way, I realized there is no food in this house. And let me tell you something. You normally think about food deserts as being in inner city slums. Their house is in the middle of a food desert. Seriously. Think about it. Everywhere we’ve ever lived (that I can think of), decent food and access to a supermarket or (at least) convenience store has always been a reasonable walk away. That is absolutely not true here. and the streets around their house are so jacked up because they essentially live off an freeway off ramp. Because of this, even if you’re driving somewhere, it’s not a convenient drive.
Anyway, to make a short story very long, I decided to go through McDonald’s for breakfast and now I’m super ashamed of myself. I need to go grocery shopping.
For some reason this morning, my mind has been preoccupied with something Mary said (texted) to me last night. It’s something she’s said before and whenever she says it, I get panicked in that way you do when you think you’ve forgotten something. “I’ve been waiting and waiting,” she said.
The reason for my panic every time is because first of all, it really makes me feel inadequate (I am who I am). But also - WTF is she talking about? Yeah, I haven’t paid the bills on time but I’m not spending money or doing anything financially retarded. I certainly don’t get drunk anymore. I’ve given definite signals that I a approaching a point where I’m ready to engage in therapy and stuff like that. The best I can tell, when she says she’s been waiting around, she is specifically referring to smoking marijuana.
I had a lot of thoughts on this that I had intended to go into but, honestly, it doesn’t matter. Marijuana is something that is famous for delivering diminishing benefits and I feel like it’s run its course with me. On top of that, hell yes I will choose my wife if that’s the choice. That’s kind of all I have to say about that for now. In future posts I will definitely any urges to change my mind that may come up. I think this is a good forum to work through stuff like that.