Tonight was a fucking disaster. And I’m terrified that one of us isn’t stubborn enough to get past this. It’s a serious problem. We seem to have grown apart. You have grown. That’s obvious. Your confidence is beautiful. But sometimes I do feel like I just don’t mean that much to you. I’m sure I need to grow and I will do that. I want to grow WITH you. That’s the whole purpose of me wanting you to have a key to my apartment is because I WANT to be close to you. But I can’t feel close to you if we can’t truly be together.

I don’t know. It’s a problem And I’m scared because love Mary so much and I want to make it work. That’s what I want. And I don’t know what else to do. I’m going to continue to try and be a better person. Even though the things Mary says make me feel like a colossal failure. Every time I hear that list is like I’m being torn down. I fucking hate myself. I don’t know what else to do.