I’m miserable. I miss my wife constantly. I feel isolated and sad all … the … time. Then, yesterday afternoon, Mary reached out to remind me that she had invited me over for a family night with Carina and Dan.

I was watching the Padre game with my mom but I could’ve gotten out of that. Also, I was writing Summer’s college essay but I could’ve put it off.

It’s gotten physically difficult to be around the family and act like everything is hunky dory while the person I love more than life, in whose arms I find sustenance (I mean that literally- I feel physically starved from her touch) - I’m expected to sit there, play nice, not discuss things I’m desperate to resolve, but instead put on a happy face. Then comes the worst part. Getting up and walking out because I don’t live there anymore. There’s a special humiliation I feel every time this happens.

My dilemma is that I feel like I was much happier when I was seeing my family almost every day. But that pain and humiliation has gotten worse.

I don’t think this is going to end well. I don’t know what to do.