I’ve had a rough one today. I miss my kids and my dogs and my wife and my old life. It’s all wiped away.

I‘ve really been trying to live by the philosophy of not comparing my life to anyone else’s life except who I was yesterday. The problem with that is that I was a complete loser yesterday and I’m one today. And I' know that’s who I’m going to be tomorrow too. I mean, my life is in shambles.

I guess that’s what happens when you don’t live intentionally. I am determined to dig myself out in the short time I have left on this planet. And here’s the deal. It will be a year in February. If this wasn’t over, I was planning on moving out anyway but I’m sure that I will never get credit for it. Until the end of time, everyone will assume I moved out because Barbie made me. Who cares.

One of the things this guy I’ve been getting into talks about is how you need to push yourself and set high goals but you can’t let yourself get crushed by the distance from that goal so you have to make incremental steps to achieve it. But whatever you do, you have to figure out what it will take to achieve that goal and resolve to pay that price.

So what’s my big goal? I definitely have an image of the man I’d like to be. He’s fit, confident, and financially stable. The fit part I feel like I’ve gotten started on. You probably wouldn’t be able to tell just by looking at me but I have been very consistent on getting exercise and I’m planning on turning up the notch. I’m really determined to stay on that track.

Financial stability improvement is largely going to be put on hold until I get an apartment. Unfortunately, that’s just the reality. I do feel fairly good about it, though. Barring any personal disasters, I feel like I can still make serious progress in the next year but it will take discipline.

Confidence is something that I still don’t have any idea how I am going to address. I feel shattered and nearly constantly on the verge of tears. For now, I have no answers.