I was listening to a fairly famous clinical psychologist and he was saying that when you are suffering is the most important time to find beauty in the world. The truth is, I do spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about and listening to and reading content about some very dark content. On top of that, this is certainly a time of suffering in my life. I spent the rest of the day listening to music mostly. I’ve got a pretty good list of indie pop music I’m digging on right now.

Anyway, stuff like this - really intelligent people talking about how to live a better life - this is stuff that should have been on my radar decades ago. Certainly when I was in my very early twenties, I had a brief period where I was dabbling with philosophy and having deep conversations and all of that. But for the most part, I have spent a very large portion of my life just floating along not much thinking about how I was living it and I must say, that kind of blows me away. I always considered myself to be someone who had a little bit more going on under the surface but maybe that was never true at all.

In any case, I’m actually being intentional about trying to confront the world in a more honest, courageous way. I think this will be tested in the next couple of weeks when I begin my apartment search in earnest. It’s really going to take me out of my comfort zone. But honestly, the idea of looking for a place without you just makes me so fucking sad I almost can’t stand it.

I think I was going to write a whole thing on living a better life. I’ll save that for tomorrow. I’ve just been sitting here for the last half hour trying to get myself together and now I’m kind of in a bad mood.