So first of all, I want you to know that I had some sort of mental block that I don’t fully understand. I did recently have the epiphany that there is a difference between simply stopping destructive behavior and working on myself. I just stopped the destructive behavior. That is not enough because there is nothing keeping me from just starting back up again. You need to see self-improvement.

Specifically, I want to work on the following things:

self-discipline
- the theory I’m currently working under is that I never had a problem with alcohol or drugs, I had a self-discipline problem. you may disagree with that but I am perfectly capable of going long periods without drinking and I can go to a bar and have one or two and stop and I can also hang out with people drinking and not drink. my problem is that I like instant gratification and I overdo pleasure. I need to get the priorities of a grown man instead of living like a 5 year old.
fitness
- I do have an image of the guy I’d like to be and looking good is important to me. I’ve really let that slide, so I want to get into some type of fitness routine on a level that takes a substantial portion of my attention.
financial responsibility
- the world we live in makes me sick and small defiances get me through the day sometimes. you keep shitting on me for “not paying” my bills. the truth is, you didn’t even know about it until you started investigating. you’re acting like I took out a loan you didn’t know about. yeah, it’s true, I don’t give 2 shits about money. sorry. but I understand the importance of managing and minimizing debts so they don’t impact your life. I need to get organized and just execute the plan because the truth is, I’m not in bad shape financially.